No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
