She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
