the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
