Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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