i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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