a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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