You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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