I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
