He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
