Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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