Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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