I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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