why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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