Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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