she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
