this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
