Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
