I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
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We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
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is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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