The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
