Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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