I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he was CRYING into my vagina
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
