She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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