I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
