I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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