You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
