C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
