dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
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I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
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Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
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I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.