Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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