i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
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She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third