M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.