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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
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