It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sorry about my life...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.