i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.