Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
