Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
