and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
