i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
