I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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