I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
