Sponge bath it is.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
