Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
