You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
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Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
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Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom