im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.