I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe