i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.