Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
