I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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