Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Randomize
