I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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