I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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