No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
