Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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