Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
