Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
