My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
