and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
