i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
