1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
