So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
