Will you blow on my dice?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
