I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
