it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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