I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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