Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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