if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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