She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
