We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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