Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
