put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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