If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
