Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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