You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
