I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
