last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
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I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
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Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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