How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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