the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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