I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize