I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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