she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
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