I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
