Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
