I want to make a zoo with you.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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