Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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