i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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