Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
