I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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