you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
